For those of you with very low libidos, navigating the dating world can be a challenging and often frustrating experience. Low libido or a lack of sexual desire can significantly affect your relationships and make it difficult to connect with potential partners on a physical level.
Having a low libido can lead to feelings of inadequacy and guilt in a relationship. Your partner may feel rejected or unwanted, which can create tension and strain on the relationship. It’s important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your low libido and work together to find ways to maintain intimacy and closeness.
The Cleveland Clinic recommends that men who consume more than three or more alcoholic beverages regularly should consider drinking less. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention suggest that an average adult male should have two or fewer alcoholic beverages daily; any more than this can lead to long-term health deterioration. Stress management techniques, such as breathing exercises, meditation, and talking to a therapist, may help. It’s true that our identities can become so intertwined with our sexuality. And, as you know firsthand, when we “lose” touch with that part of ourselves — for whatever reason — we might start to question who we really are without it. “You’re not ‘damaged’ or ‘broken’ and what you’re going through is common,” adds Silor.
But it may increase the weight, shame, and stress you feel — which is the last thing you want or need. Stress triggers the release of cortisol (the main stress hormone). In the short term, cortisol helps us cope with stress, which is a good thing. When stress becomes day in and day out, cortisol can become chronically elevated, and this is where the problems typically start. Cortisol is part of our sympathetic “fight-or-flight” system. Sexual arousal requires the calming of the sympathetic system and activation of the opposing “relaxing” parasympathetic nervous system.
There are also medications available that help people, with or without bipolar disorder, to have a healthy sex life. A study in the Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine found that nonobese men with obstructive sleep apnea (OSA) experience lower testosterone levels. In turn, this leads to decreased sexual activity and libido. As you go through menopause, your estrogen and testosterone levels decrease, which makes it more difficult to get aroused.
But some medications can have side effects that can cause sexual problems. Knowing how to spot key symptoms and side effects will allow you to work with your doctor to find ways to improve your sexual health. On the other hand, changes in the body that occur as a result of sleep apnea can lead to low testosterone levels. Testosterone replacement therapy may contribute to or cause sleep apnea. Sleep apnea is a serious medical condition that causes your breathing to stop and start repeatedly while you sleep.
Morgan Mandriota is a New York-based writer who is passionate about exploring the intersection of pleasure, healing, and holistic well-being. She currently works as a staff writer with Psych Central where she specializes in creating content about sex, relationships, mental health, and alternative approaches to wellness. Her work has been published in notable publications, including Betches, Bumble, Bustle, Cosmopolitan, Health, mindbodygreen, Shape, Tinder, Verywell Mind, and Well+Good. In her free time, she enjoys chasing sunsets, playing video games, spending time in nature, swimming in a sea of CBD salve, trying different therapy practices, and working on her passion project Highly Untamed.
Simply not feeling in control of your body and overall health is another biggie. If your lack of interest in sex continues or returns and causes personal distress, talk with your healthcare professional. You may have a treatable condition called sexual interest-arousal disorder. If you’re in a relationship where one of you does a lot more initiating of sex than the other, it may be worth starting by looking backward. Has this always been the case, or has it changed over time? If it changed, what caused that change—and is there anything either of you can do to tilt that back the other way?
It may place you at an increased risk for actions that may have negative effects, such as contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI). If low libido is caused by an underlying health condition, you may need to switch medications. If your low libido has psychological causes, you may need to visit a therapist for relationship counseling.
When you have a low libido, it can be challenging to feel confident and desirable in the dating world. You may worry that potential partners will judge you or reject you because of your lack of sexual desire. This can lead to self-doubt and insecurity, making it even harder to form connections with others.
Strategies for Dating with a Low Libido
If you have a low libido, it’s important to prioritize communication and honesty in your relationships. Be upfront with potential partners about your sexual desires and limitations so that they can understand and support you. It’s also important to focus on building emotional intimacy and connection in your relationships, rather than solely focusing on physical intimacy.
Consider exploring alternative forms of intimacy and sexual expression that do not require a high libido, such as cuddling, kissing, or sensual massage. These activities can help you feel close and connected to your partner without the pressure of engaging in sexual intercourse.
Seeking Support
If you are struggling with a low libido and it is impacting your dating life, consider seeking support from a therapist or sexologist. They can help you explore the underlying causes of your low libido and develop strategies to improve your sexual desire and satisfaction. Remember, having a low libido does not define your worth or ability to have fulfilling relationships.
